1.) Kenneth Grant 6’3 339 DT Michigan- “I must be in the front rooowww.” The Steelers’ front row sucks goat balls. Larry “O” and company gave King Henry his usual 4 lane highway to run through thus sending Tomlin and HIS inept Steelers’ defense to YET ANOTHER embarrassing playoff loss.
2.) Elic Ayomanor 6’2 210 WR Stanford- “One hit, that’s all we got? One Goddamn hit?” “You can’t say goddamn on the air!” “Ahh Don’t worry nobody is listening anyway.” I’m listening, B2B. No block, no rock. YOU SUCK, UNCLE ARTIE!
3.) Jared Ivey 6’6 285 DE Ole Miss- “Phil Niekro and his brother were pitching against each other in Atlanta. Their parents were sitting behind home plate. I saw their parents more that day than they did the whole weekend.” Georgia Tech transfer and proud alum of North Gwinnett HS here in Suwanee, GA. Man, how the hell did Lane and his Rebels not make the playoffs with all those firebreathers on the D-Line?
4.) Rocket Sanders 6’0 230 RB South Carolina- “Juuuust a bit outside! He tried the corner and missed.” Hopefully, Najee’s days of trying the corner are over. This Arkansas transfer has speed and power Najee can only dream of. Dig him.
5) Jake Briningstool 6’6 240 TE Clemson-“The postgame show is brought to you by…Christ, I can’t find it. The hell with it!” Exactly, how I felt when Muuuuth dropped the opening pass against the Ravens. The hell with it, indeed. My search for a hybrid/vertical weapon from the TE position rolls on.
7) Jordan Clark 5’10 180 CB Notre Dame- “This guy threw at his own son in a father/son game.” Son of ESPN talking head and former Steelers’ safety Ryan Clark. Gratuitous nepotism pick, but kid might make a good nickel.
7) Quinn Ewers 6’2 210 QB Texas- “Heywood leads the league in most offensive categories including nose hair. When this guy sneezes he looks like a party favor.” Arch Manning will be the one leading the league in most offensive categories. Quinn here should’ve hit the portal (and Sark shit-canned for quarterback malpractice).
RIP Mr. Baseball
