Polamalu and Clark
Lake and Perry
Wagner (RIP) and Shell
Now?
We got nothin’
Ohhh DeShon Elliott will hit ya (when he’s actually on the field to hit ya), but who else do you like even a little?
Jalen Ramsey?
Such a dumb trade
K-H-A-N (and his boy Weidl) have lost me.
I’m out.
These two baffoons have a shit ton of work to do.
Let’s see how we can help them at least find a safety or two:
Free Agency:
• Bryan Cook- the Chiefs have shown they don’t mind letting go of their secondary studs.
• Coby Bryant- I know his mom spelled K-O-B-E wrong, Ron, but this Super Bowl champ is a deep safety that hopefully won’t be lined up in West Vir-fucking-ginia
• Nick Cross- Stat sheet filler coming off his best season for the Colts
• Jaquan Brisker- Penn Stater that AI told me plays best in the single high that Pat Graham like to run. Steelers could use an enforcer, but has concussion history so I’m slowing my roll.
• Alohi Gilman- "Ahoy Palloi...Where'd you come from, a scotch ad?" Cheatin Jimmy and his brother just got bored and made a player swap. Both Oweh and this former Fightin’ Irish fella played well but ultimately the trade was as dumb as the Harbaugh brothers.
• Kam Curl- Rams opted to pay Carnell’s son instead.
• Jalen Thompson- It occurred to me I haven’t seen a Cardinals game in years.
• Kevin Byard- Had a bit of a resurgence in Chicago. Steady vet type whose best days are long behind him.
• Geno Stone- New Castle kid makes some plays.
Trade or Release:
• Minkah Fitzpatrick- Roll Tide. Clearly a player on the decline, but I’d bring him back on the cheap if he were to be released. Maybe he liked playing for an F- owner.
• Jeremy Chinn- Played for Pat Graham out in Vegas last season (so did Jamal Adams but we don't want that bum).
• Malik Hooker- “Are you a hooker? You look like a hooker. You smell like a hooker. You must be a hooker!” Another New Castle kid that makes some plays.
Draft:
• Caleb Downs Buckeyes- “Doctor, Doctor. Glad I’m not sick.” His knee is reportedly fine. Just a bullshit twitter rumor.
• Emmanuel McNeil-Warren Toledo- Charles Demar endorsed.
• Dillon Thieneman Ducks- White men CAN jump (’41 vert).
• Jalon Kilgore- Explosive Cock has nose for the football.
• AJ Haulcy LSU- Big hitter down on the Bayou.
• Genesis Smith Arizona- Well if you want a hitter, this kid isn’t your guy, but he was quite the playmaker out in the desert.
• Treydan Stukes Arizona- I know I also mentioned him in the corner primer, but he can play safety too. They call that versatility.
• Zakee Wheatley Penn Stater- Placate to the dahntahn crowd, Art. Ya barrel of monkey nuts.
• Bud Clark TCU- Personality on a stick for this ballhawking Horned Frog.
• Kamari Ramsey USC- Ronnie Lott, Joey Browner, Tim McDonald, Troy Polamalu. Well this kid ain’t them but he’s solid.
• VJ Payne KST- Versatile safety can cover some ground back there.
• Jakobe Thomas The U- Bennie Blades, Ed Reed, Sean Taylor. Well this kid ain’t them, but he’s solid.
• Robert Spears-Jennings Sooners- 4.32 40 gets your attention.
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the safeties you like and those you don’t. Steelers secondary a mess. Got A LOT of work to do to upgrade that dumpster fire. YOU SUCK, Tomlin!
