1.) Emeka Egbuka 6’1 205 WR Ohio State- Nooo I will not stop mocking this beloved Buckeye. Especially now that Deuce has acknowledged the “Stalers” WR room is in dire need of a paint job. Ohh I get the #2 WR in Uncle Artie’s offense is about as important as tits on a turtle, but a professional football team CANNOT trot out Van fucking Jefferson and expect success. Gawd awful football player who shouldn’t even be in the league. Nice job there, Omar.
2T) TreVeyon Henderson 5’10 215 RB Ohio State- First time mocking this fast mover. Thrived after the arrival of Quinshon Judkins AND perhaps more importantly to his draft stock, stayed healthy. Henderson, Warren, and my ‘Dawg Nick Chubb a terrific trio.
3) Gunnar Helm 6’5 255 TE Texas- “Really? All offense, Drama?? Ya barrel of monkey nuts” I realize it makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine given the Steelers’ aversion to modern football, but I’m not givin’ up dammit! Gunnar here was yet another Texas WEAPON neutered by Quinn Ewers. Kid can get vertical.
4) Quincy Riley 6’0 195 CB Louisville- “Like white on rice.” Yet another sticky cover man making a name for himself down in Mobile this week.
4T) Joshua Farmer 6’3 320 DT Florida State- King Dipshit has decreed stopping the run as his top priority (he’s not wrong). Nothing chapped my ass more than watching Raven rival Derrick Henry waltz through the Steelers’ pathetically weak front 7 time and time again. So awful.
5) Shemar James 6’1 229 LB Florida- Selfishly, I want the Steelers to draft all the Shemar’s…Stewart, Turner, and this James fella just to twist Ron’s mind into a pretzel. Yet another Senior Bowl standout that has impressed with his coverage skills and physicality.
5T) Jalen Travis 6’7 345 OT Iowa State- BIG ‘ol farm boy right here. Is anybody struggling down in Mobile this week? Everyone is a star. Hyperbole a bound. Anyway, I can’t imagine Broderick Jones fares much better on the left side. All I know is the OT position is a hot mess. Fire Meyer and get the best 5 on the field.
7) Keandre Lambert-Smith 6’1 185 WR Auburn- The Plains via Happy Valley (No culture shock there I’m sure). I recorded the Shrine game last night so no spoilers (insert Harry Doyle’s “Don’t worry nobody’s listening anyway”).
7.) Seth Henigan 6’3 215 QB Memphis- “Say you’ve got a big job interview and you're a little nervous. Well, throw back a couple of shots of Hennigan's, and you'll be as loose as a goose and ready to roll in no time….” ‘ol Seth here must be drinkin’ his own brand. The AAC’s all-time passing yards leader is yet another day 3 prospect showing well down in Mobile.
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the players you like and those you don’t. Fun weekend for me, Shrine Bowl recording tonight and Senior Bowl tomorrow (perhaps I'll down a glass or two of Hennigans myself). Will throw more names against the wall next week, same bat time, same bat channel.
