1T) Matthew Golden 6’0 195 WR Texas- Feels weird mocking WRs in round 1 when we don’t even know who the quarterback is going to be, but here I go again. Combine season is upon us. If this Ewers-proof stud runs the 4.38/10.93 100 m he recorded in HS he could be the first WR drafted.
2.) Nick Emmanwori 6’3 227 S South Carolina- “Round 2? Your ass is itchy, Drama.” I know it is. I just want you to know, that I know, this Cock is going to blow up the Combine. Feldman freak and his 11’4 Broad, ’42 vert, 24 reps is going to have Mr. Comp himself, Daniel Jeremiah, throwing out Sean Taylor and Derwin James comparisons now through draft night.
3.) Jordan Burch 6’6 295 DE Oregon-“Again, Drama? You need some new material, dude.” I’m sure you’re right, but when this former 5 star Cock rips up the Combine with his ’35 vert and 20.7 mph speed y’all will be all kind of droolin’.
4T) Jamaree Caldwell 6’1 340 DT Oregon – Fat Casey flashbacks here, but this Duck can move, boy. Strapped with a “Wide Load” sign on his ass, this big ‘sum bitch notched 6.5 sacks as a Houston ‘Coug last season. BEAST.
4T) Bradyn Swinson 6’4 250 EDGE LSU- Brian Kelly lol. Something about not having enough talent at Notre Dame? Miserable bastard isn’t faring much better down on the Bayou with a cupboard full of talent. Oh, the Swinson fella. Dig this EXPLOSIVE, underrated Bengal.
5.) Jaydon Blue 6’0 200 RB Texas- “I’m going back someday, come what may to Blue Bayou…” I can hear ‘ol (old) Chris Berman now, “Jaydon Blue by you.” Ohh so witty he is. Anyway, arguably the best receiving back in the draft, kid often lines up as a true WR in Sark’s dynamic attack. YOU SUCK, Uncle Artie!
5T) Arjani Cornelius 6’5 315 OT Oregon- This started out as a Duck themed mock but with the Combine right around the corner I switched gears. Sleeping soooo much better knowing that Pat Meyer will return this season.
6T) Tommi Hill 6’0 205 CB Nebraska- ’42 vert and a 4.3 40 doesn’t sound like a day 3 pick to me, but WTF do I know. I do know that my son went to Buford HS with future star qb Dylan Raiola. Other than that, I got nothin.
7.) Arian Smith 6’0 185 WR Georgia- “I’m so fast, I can run through a hurricane and not get wet.” Kid can’t catch a cold, but he’s going to run really, really, fast in Indy. Quite possibly the worst hands in the history of football, Smith and my beloved ‘Dawgs led the nation with over 100 dropped passes. Just a BRUTAL offense to watch. YOU SUCK, Bobo!
7) Jackson Dawes 6’5 260 TE Georgia Tech – Saw a funny caption that read, Jackson Dawes to Defensive Ends, “I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!” with a pic of that old Sandler/Shannen Daugherty obsessive Brian SNL skit thing. Chalk that up as stuff only amusing to me.
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the players you like and those you don’t. Painfully long wait from the Super Bowl to the Combine so just figured I’d drop some names to help pass the time.
