1.) Clelin Ferrell 6’5 260 EDGE Clemson- On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me… Bud Dupree hanging from a treeee. Steelers like ‘em young and this Ferrell kid is only 20. “Drama, Where you going to play an edge rusher that big?” “Bend over, I’ll show you!”
2.) DeShon Elliott 6’2 210 FS Texas- On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me…two turtles taking Mike Mitchell out to sea (Wouldn’t mind Sean Davis going with him) . I can’t stand the no defense Big 12, but this Elliott kid impressed me in a double OT loss to USC notching 7 tackles, a sack, and 2 ints of Sam Darnold. Looks the part, Extremely competitive, leader of an improving Texas defense.
3.) Josey Jewell 6’2 236 ILB Iowa- Is there room on the Steelers for two Outlaws? I make room for ‘ol Josey on my team. Kids a football player. Team leader who was all over the damn field against Penn St. Like most of his Iowa teammates he couldn’t keep up with Sequon Barkley but it wasn’t for a lack of trying. All I want for Christmas is for Ryan Shazier to walk again…and Elizabeth Banks to be waiting for me upstairs wearing her Fred Claus Christmas outfit.
5T.) Greg Stroman 6’0 181 CB Virginia Tech- I want to wish you a shitty Christmas, Artie Burns. From the bottom of my heart YOU SUCK. Hopefully, a trio of Haden, my guy Sutton, and the Hilton fella remain healthy next season. No relation to Ted, this Stroman kid is an intriguing corner who is a much needed stud return man. “Franks and beans!”
5) Poona Ford 6’0 310 DT Texas- “What kind of name is Poona?” “Comanche Indian.” Big 12 lineman of the year. Captain and team leader. Led defensive line that helped hold 7 opponents under 100 yards rushing this year.
7T.) Ito Smith 5’9 195 RB Southern Miss- I want to channel my inner Grinch and give the offense nothin’ for Christmas but unfortunately even if Bell comes back, I may have to. I loved the James Connor story, but he’s just not proving to be very durable. This Ito kid is one of only 10 FBS players to have over 4,000 career all purpose yards. Versatile little fella.
7.) DeMarcus Christmas 6’4 308 DT Florida St. $1000 says he names his daughter Mary. No relation to Lloyd. “I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart and I didn’t even see it coming.”
Thanks as always for reading. If the Steelers win their 7th Lombardi, We’ll have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapped danced with Danny fucking Kaye! Happy Holidays Fellas.
