1.) Derrick Harmon 6’5 310 DT Oregon- Sparty transfer possesses prototype Steelers size. This Ducks’ disruptor causes chaos and mayhem that Larry O can only dream of. Be gone ya barrel of monkey nuts.
2.) Jack Sawyer 6’5 260 EDGE Ohio State- “Captain Jack will get you high tonight and take you to your special island"...Just a little Quinn Ewers push and you'll be smilin'. Yep Captain Jack saved Ryan Day’s bacon last night slamming the door on a late Longhorns rally with his scoop sack for a TD. Old school, throwback player whose game is based on power and all out HUSTLE. Chrissy Fowler made a big deal about Captain Jack being roommates with Quinn Ewers, but my sources tell me Sawyer recruited Ewers to Columbus and harbors resentment toward Ewers for bolting for Texas. Karma in there somewhere. Anyway, this “All-Time great Buckeye” will be a decade plus leader of the locker room and pillar of the community. Culture counts, bitches.
2T) Elic Ayomanor 6’2 210 WR Stanford- If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than if the Steelers landed a day 2 pick for Crazy George. BUT, I felt inspired to work Captain Jack into this mock so Pickens is dealt to a contender who THINKS they can fix him (lol). This Elic fella seems to be the polar opposite of (bipolar) George. Hard working, dedicated, SANE player who relishes doing the dirty work necessary to thrive at the WR position. Deuce going to need to open up the free agent wallet for a multitude of positions this offseason.
3T) Ollie Gordon II 6’2 225 RB Oklahoma State- Slight trade down here for this workhorse winner of the Doak Walker award as a 19 year old for the now embattled HC Mullet Mike Gundy. Wheels fell off the Cowboys wagon this year along with Ollie's stats, but my sources tell me Gordon was gutting out an injury. Look for Ollie to impress on the All-Star circuit and be a grand larceny selection for your running back starved Pittsburgh Steelers.
4) Oronde Gadsden II 6’5 236 TE Syracuse- My mini obsession with TE hybrid types rolls on. Touted as the Orangemen’s best receiver since Marvin Harrison, this Gadsden fella seamlessly transitioned into a vertical weapon at the TE position. Oronde Sr had a few good years with the Dolphins with my guy Jimmy Johnson. Anyway, I for one can’t wait for yinzer nation to move past “Renegade” and “Muuuuth" and transition to modern football. Get off my lawn indeed.
5.) Will Howard 6’4 235 QB Ohio State- The Buckeyes play in “The Horseshoe” but man this Howard kid has a horseshoe up his ass. Lucky ‘sum bitch. Gunslinger without the gun. Fearlessly throws into tight windows. More often than not those throws have gone his way in the Buckeyes impressive playoff run. Kid just has “IT.” Intangibles on a stick. MOXY in spades. Well-traveled PA kid wasn’t born to be a Buckeye like Captain Jack, but this kid just screams WINNER like his defensive counterpart. Get these two LEADERS in the Steelers’ locker room pronto, Tonto. What the Steelers actually do at the qb position this offseason will be fascinating-ish.
5T) Lathan Ransom 6’1 210 S Ohio State- “Like the pimp says to his hoes, keep ‘em comin.” My Ohio State hard on knows no bounds. That sound you hear is teeth rattling. “HERE COMES THE BOOM! HERE COMES THE BOYS FROM THE SOUTH!” Or something like that. Go Buckeyes!
7.) Mario Anderson 5’9 205 RB Memphis- Hula Bowl MVP. Cocks transfer. Typical Memphis back is an explosive receiving weapon. Get fat Patterson off my team. YOU SUCK, UNCLE ARTIE!
7.) Rocco Spindler 6’5 330 OL Notre Dame- Marc’s kid. Y’all remember him, right? Prized Mike Gottfried recruit. ESPN had camera crew at his dad’s bar only to see him take an unprecedented draft day tumble. Man, Gottfried could recruit some talent (including a cheerleader or two, allegedly). Go Buckeyes!
Thanks as always for reading. Please comment on the players you like and those you don’t. I thoroughly enjoyed the college football final 4 capped by Captain’s Jack’s game clinching touchdown. Hopefully, your beloved Steelers can provide some playoff excitement of their own tonight against the rival Ravens (I'll be asleep by halftime). Goooo Steelers!
