1T) Trenton Simpson 6’3 245 LB Clemson- "WE'RE NOT GONNA BLOW IN THE WIND???" OMG I soooo want NHALS to die. To the victor of that glorious death, goes the spoils, a potential top 5 pick in the 2023 NFL draft. Top 5 baby! I want it. I want Will Anderson. I want Jalen Carter. However, if neither of those two SEC studs are available, I will SCREAM for a trade down. “Dream on, Drama. Ya barrel of monkey nuts. That’ll never happen.” I am a barrel of monkey nuts, BUT I’ll tell y’all how it can happen. Even before Hard Knocks, I was intrigued by Lions head coach Dan Campbell and what I THINK he’s building in Detroit. To me, the Motor City Kitties are a quarterback shy of being the most exciting young team in the NFL. Amon-ra St. Brown, Jameson Williams, DeAndre Swift, Aiden Hutchinson etc. So who oh who would be a perfect fit for the knee cap biting Dan Campbell??? How about a banana peel eating, mayo in his coffee drinking, WILL LEVIS. That’s who. Thanks to the Fat Matt trade, the Lions have two 1st round picks in the 2023 draft to trade up for their dream qb. We’re taking those two picks, their 3rd, and maybe even something next year to trade back. Oh, the Simpson kid. The Tigers front 7 is fast and furious. And Simpson with his 6% body fat is their ringleader. If, BIG IF, TJ Watt can stay healthy throughout his contract, the Steelers LB corps will now be a unit to be reckoned with.
1T) Olumuyiwa Fashanu 6’6 320 OT Penn St- The OL has been ignored for far too long with premium picks wasted on the likes of Artie Burns, Terrell Edmunds, and Devin Bush (Someone please lock Tomlin out of the draft room). So Frustrating. Tombert completely lost me when they passed on all rookie everything Creed Humphrey in favor of mediocre Pat Freiemuth. So back to Peezy’s Happy Valley for a fast rising, highly athletic, raw talent having an early standout season after holding his own against Auburn standouts Derrick Hall and Colby Wooten. Will be a 20 year old rookie should he declare for the NFL draft.
2.) Gervan Dexter 6’6 315 DE Florida- Big, Athletic, kid that looks small next to the 420 pd Desmond Watson. Suwanee GA’s own Cam Heyward can’t play forever. DeMarvin Leal is flashing as a rookie, but future stalwarts are needed.
3.) Drew Sanders 6’5 235 EDGE Arkansas- “WHO?” Trust me this is going to one of those names that gains buzz as the season rolls on. Got turned onto this kid from an old timer that has season tickets next to my ‘Bama friends. ‘Ol feller declared him a STUD and future star, but alas he bolted for the Hogs after the emergence of Dallas Turner. Bendy kid that really has some pass rushing juice off the edge. Will be pivotal addition if Watt’s recent injury woes continue throughout that lucrative contract extension.
3T) Mazi Smith 6’3 335 DT Michigan- Tyson Alualu benched so let’s replace him with the top freak on Feldman’s Freak list. Kid did 22 reps…at 325. Flat grip benches (whatever the hell that means) 550 pds, ’33 vert, 4.4 short shuttle. Unfortunately, he’s scUM, but still a freak.
4.) Julius “JuJu” Brents 6’4 205 CB Kansas St- Wildcats are ranked? Jayhawks are 4-0? No Dorothy, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore, I’ll get around to mocking KST edge rusher Felix Andudike-Uzomah, but for now lets take a day 3 stab with this lanky Wildcat. Iowa transfer has an ’82 wingspan that would be widest in combine in past 20 years. Witherspoon sucks. YOU SUCK TOO, TOMLIN! (This exercise is not good for my blood pressure).
5) Carter Warren 6’5 325 OT Pitt- Lazy Steelers’ scouts can pull a right next door Kenny Pickett pick here on day 3. YOU SUCK, CANADA (Not the country. I have fond memories there)!!!
6) DeMarcco Hellams 6’1 210 S Alabama- Roll Tide! I’ll be in the house for the Saban/Fisher throwdown in T-town. While there, I’ll do my usual and watch this Hellams kid make tackles all over the Bryant-Denny turf.
7 Jakobi Buchanon 6’0 260 RB Army- If y'all can dream about TomliDA’s offense being replaced with a modern, high powered NFL offense then I can harken back to the glory days of the Bus, Jerome Bettis, and COWHER-POWER! Blow that, Tomlin!
Thanks as always for reading.
Please comment on the players you like and those you don’t.
So when’s the last time the Steelers’ picked in the top 5?
Back in the 70’s?
Tim Worley was what #7 overall back in ‘89?
Anyway, I don’t condone tanking, but with Tomlin’s binky TJ Watt out and Canada still at the helm of the offense a top 5 pick could legit happen.
Fingers crossed, y’all.
